Wasting My Life

Anh asks Jack Thompson ‘What have we been put on this planet for? What’s life about Jack?’ and Jack replied: ‘I have to say I think that’s an impertinent question. We’re here. This is it. You want a reason for this, you want a purpose for this How arrogant. Life itself is a joy. I…

The Wolf + The Key

The most honest truth I can write today is that I am a key and there’s a wolf trying to kill me. I am a key. An oddly shaped piece of metal that is essentially useless everywhere in the world except for the one lock it was designed to open – and in that space…

What To Expect When You See A Psychologist For The First Time

What To Expect When You See A Psychologist For The First Time I’ve been seeing counsellors and psychologists one and off for over ten years now, and although the stigma of accessing mental health care has decreased dramatically, I think a lot of people are still scared, uncertain and unsure about going to a counsellor…

The Trauma Cleaner

The smell hits me before my eyes adjust to the dimly filtered light. The stench of piss, of musty damp and rotting food. There are floorboards beneath my feet, I can’t see them but I can hear their muffled creaks under the junk mail, scraps of paper and old wrappers that line the floor, clumped…

The Key

‘Do you think you’re a selfish person’ the counsellor asked me. To this day it’s one of the most profound moments of my life. The room fell silent for a long pause. I was searching, not for my answer but for the courage to give my own my answer. I wasn’t prepared for what I…

White Walls

I like to wake up just before the sun, open the curtains on our windows and watch the light brighten. Dawn is soft, a hazy gentle ‘hey….it’s morning’ – a little nudge followed by bird songs… My favourite place in the world is in my home when the sun climbs from dawn to day –…

Sinking Into Unedited Emotions

When I saw my doctor was calling me my first thought was it was a misdial, an administrative error. I was working so I declined the call. Within seconds my phone is vibrating again – now I’m nervous, and curious, but more nervous. Finding a quiet corner, I answer the call. It’s not a misdial….

Burgers In The Rain

Our kitchen looks like it was recently raided by a gang of hungry teenagers – all the fun, easy-to-make food is gone. We’re down to tins of chickpeas, tofu, carrots and potatoes. There’s enough for a last supper…one last desperate meal… So, we decided to get burgers instead. I change into the first non-pj outfit…

Feel E v e r y t h i n g

When I was in my early 20’s I bought a little one-bedroom unit in a brown brick 1960’s block of flats. It was the first time I’d moved out of home; I’d designed every square inch of that place a thousand times over and finally, I had the keys. Within days of receiving those little…

Reservoirs

Wisdom, I have learnt, doesn’t arrive fully grown – it arrives as a thought, a scrap of understanding, a lesson slowly revealed – and then it’s planted, taken in and given time to find its roots – gradually, over months and years, wisdom emerges, fragile at first, finding its feet like a newborn lamb, growing…