I’m learning about the difference between waiting and wanting.

I look at the shape of my life – Iook at what I have made room for and what I’ve denied space or capacity for. I’m realising in an effort to protect myself against the evils of hope I’ve also locked out the gifts that hope brings.

I want to be intentional. I want to dig deep – create space in my heart for more – step into vulnerability and embrace my hearts desires rather than denying them.

I want to stop saying I’m indifferent or I’m content with plan B.

I want to start calling those dreams of mine out from the stars.

If I want them – I need to move my heart towards them – and be brave.

Be brave in the wanting – not just be brave in the waiting, be brave in the wanting.

I suddenly realise I’ve been asking for more but offering outstretched fists – snapped tightly shut, protecting myself against the heartsick unmet hope tends to bring…and in doing so I leave empty handed and downtrodden each and every time.

This is how I step into vulnerability – by opening up my hands, offering unprotected, unguarded, upward facing palms – expecting, open, tender – asking for more and risking it all.

[Art by Michelle Borjon]