‘You’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…’
Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own // U2
I’m a writer and from my bones through to my skin and back again I know that writing is my one song to sing.
I don’t think it really matters what jobs I have or what most of my life really looks like – the one thing I’m here to do is write and if I can just write my song I wholeheartedly believe I’ve lived my best and brightest life.
It’s honestly that simple for me.
I don’t have to be the best writer, or be published or even have anyone read a single word I’ve written. I just have to write – I just have to find that light inside of me that comes alive when I start placing words side by side and turn it on.
The problem is this…I know what I want to say but I feel like it’s already been said a hundred times, everyone around me is saying it, every book I read or Instagram post I see is like a mirror of my own melody.
I can’t escape the feeling that I’ve missed my moment. I didn’t sing my song first and now that space has been filled up with everyone else who was braver and quicker and more talented than me.
What’s the point?
I feel burning shame for not being more accomplished or more polished – for having so much to still learn and for feeling like I’ve wasted so much time.
Still – in moments where I really sit with the idea that I’m going to die – when I really meditate on the thought that everything in my life is temporary and tomorrow could be my last day on earth there’s always one single thought, a solo figure cut out from the rest, ‘I have to write’.
I have to sing my song….
but so many artists and writers are singing my song…
I feel like I have something important to say…
but my song so similar to all the songs I hear around me…there’s nothing unique about me…
…because. It’s a choir. I need to join the choir.
It’s a choir. I’m holding my song and I’m tuning in and what I’m hearing is a big, bold, move-mountains-you-can’t-move-alone choir.
I’m beginning to understand that I’m not hearing lots of different songs – I’m hearing the same song, sung in lots of different ways, because this amazing universe believes this message is so important that it’s asked many voices to sing it together.
It’s handed hundreds and hundreds of writers the same sheet music and has asked us all to bring this expression, this holy hymn to life.
For the first time I’m seeing that I’m not copying or taking up someones elses space…I’m part of a choir. I’m not a solo artist, I’m meant to echo and reflect the songs I’m hearing around me. I’m no longer a lone voice in a hidden place – I’ve got permission to wildly create and enthusiasticly blend into the vibrant opera all around me.
I’m a writer…I’m also a choir member and this is my song.
[Art by Gustav Klimt]