My Happiness Trap

There are something like 6 emotions, 27 if you start really defining them and over 34,000 when you look at all their complex mixes…and I live my life completely obsessed about one.

One emotion that is making my life miserable.

Sometimes I say I’m chasing joy or contentment – and sometimes that’s true, but if I’m honest, it’s really a euphemism for happiness.

I realized this week that happiness is the measuring stick I use to determine how good my life is, how we’ll I’m going, mental health, physical health, relationships – things are not going ok until everything is golden with the sparkle that, I’m told, happiness brings…

But I’m rarely happy.

I’m rarely just happy.

There are moments of pure sunshine, where I’d say I feel deep joy and contentment…I’m coming up for air and its perfection…

Little delicious moments…gifts, tiny visits…but there’s not my home address.

My home address is in the middle of the 34,000 emotions. Where they all mix into one another. I’m happy and ____________.

If I just changed my measurement of my life to include ‘I’m happy and I’m ____________ then my overall contentment would skyrocket.

Why is happiness more valid that sadness anyway?

Why is happiness the superhero and every other emotion the villain?

I think I’ve always thought if I’m feeling sad the sadness must completely leave for me to feel happy…but this week I’m thinking maybe I can find happiness in my sadness, anger in my fear, joy in my surprise.

Maybe all the emotions bleed into each other and there’s where I’m meant to live – in the centre of them all, feeling everything with a splash of happiness dashed in.

Letting go of solid emotions and falling into mixed, messy, hard-to-define emotions.

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