The Difference Between Waiting and Wanting

I’m learning about the difference between waiting and wanting. I look at the shape of my life – Iook at what I have made room for and what I’ve denied space or capacity for. I’m realising in an effort to protect myself against the evils of hope I’ve also locked out the gifts that hope…

I’m Learning That…

I feel like I’ve been learning so much lately. In many ways, the learning makes me feel like a failure. I feel that if I’m not hitting a bullseye every time I should just pack up and go home – but I know there is growth in the learning, without learning we can’t grow and,…

Love Is Love

I’ve learnt that I’m naturally a very loving, compassionate, gentle person who cares deeply about other people and will do anything to avoid conflict. I love people and naturally rush to embrace them. I will spend hours, days, weeks agonising over any decision I have to make that I know will bring pain or hurt…

I Am A Child of Fear

In many ways, I am a child of fear. My natural impulse is to say I hate conflict. I hate upsetting or hurting people. I hate being wrong. I hate causing damage. But when I dig deeper I discover that my hate is an aggressive expression of my fear. I fear conflict. I fear unsetting…

Writing Down Your Soul

I’ve always felt I can express myself best on paper. I take time to process new information and I’ve learned that my head and my heart like to process together, which can feel very emotional and frustrating – my sweet spot is having a blank page I can let my inner world gush onto –…

Original Fear

I’ve been digging, digging so deep there is dirt in my hair and mud on my face. I’ve been digging through the soft and hard layers of myself looking for rock. I have anxiety so I asked my anxiety what I needed to do to make myself feel safe enough that my anxiety could stand…

My Toolbox // Things That Are Saving My Life Right Now.

At the end of her podcasts Jen Hatmaker likes to ask her guests ‘what is saving your life right now?’ My list of things that are saving my life right now is evolving, but at the moment these are the books, apps and practices that are working their magic in my life: Five Minutes of…

Learning What To Do When I Feel Everyone Is Disappointed With Me

It’s a stressful time – it’s been a stressful time for awhile now. It’s bordering on becoming a stressful life. The primary source of stress is work – is it always work? It’s always work for me. It’s rarely the work itself that stresses me out – it’s usually the people involved in the work…

How To Breathe

About six months ago I learnt I’d been breathing wrong – that the deep breathes I’d been taking to try to calm myself and my anxiety weren’t as effective as they could be. These moments make my head spin – I’ve been to so many counsellors, doctors and psychologists and not once did any of…

What Is Life In The Yellow?

I’m sure in time I’ll be able to explain exactly what Life In The Yellow is with an articulate handful of words but until that happens I’m going to inflict a very basic tree metaphor on you. I apologise in advance. Brace yourself…ok here we go… Think about a large tree, something like an old…