The Wolf + The Key

The most honest truth I can write today is that I am a key and there’s a wolf trying to kill me. I am a key. An oddly shaped piece of metal that is essentially useless everywhere in the world except for the one lock it was designed to open – and in that space…

The Key

‘Do you think you’re a selfish person’ the counsellor asked me. To this day it’s one of the most profound moments of my life. The room fell silent for a long pause. I was searching, not for my answer but for the courage to give my own my answer. I wasn’t prepared for what I…

Sinking Into Unedited Emotions

When I saw my doctor was calling me my first thought was it was a misdial, an administrative error. I was working so I declined the call. Within seconds my phone is vibrating again – now I’m nervous, and curious, but more nervous. Finding a quiet corner, I answer the call. It’s not a misdial….

Feel E v e r y t h i n g

When I was in my early 20’s I bought a little one-bedroom unit in a brown brick 1960’s block of flats. It was the first time I’d moved out of home; I’d designed every square inch of that place a thousand times over and finally, I had the keys. Within days of receiving those little…

Sugar + Netflix

When I first heard Brene Brown talk about numbing emotions I thought about alcoholics and drug addicts – people who, in my mind, couldn’t face reality, were addicted to escaping, who couldn’t afford to feel. I didn’t see myself as someone who numbed my emotions at all – but the idea of numbing emotions really…

Do Healthy Things Really Grow?

During my involvement at church over the years a common expression was that ‘healthy things grow’ – meaning we know what we’re doing is right or healthy if the programs we run grown in numbers and momentum builds. On one level I still believe that – any organisation, idea, business or project that’s working correctly…

I’m Learning That…

I feel like I’ve been learning so much lately. In many ways, the learning makes me feel like a failure. I feel that if I’m not hitting a bullseye every time I should just pack up and go home – but I know there is growth in the learning, without learning we can’t grow and,…

I Am A Child of Fear

In many ways, I am a child of fear. My natural impulse is to say I hate conflict. I hate upsetting or hurting people. I hate being wrong. I hate causing damage. But when I dig deeper I discover that my hate is an aggressive expression of my fear. I fear conflict. I fear unsetting…

Original Fear

I’ve been digging, digging so deep there is dirt in my hair and mud on my face. I’ve been digging through the soft and hard layers of myself looking for rock. I have anxiety so I asked my anxiety what I needed to do to make myself feel safe enough that my anxiety could stand…

Forgiveness Feels Insane

I am learning about forgiveness. About the unsexy side of inner peace and healing. Forgiveness is a long game. There’s no instant relief or flair of happy emotions. It’s the epitome of life’s unfairness. A crime was committed, an offence occurred and my raw heart has called for justice and judgement. I want a judge…